When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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