NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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