tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
