Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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