I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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