there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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