I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
