So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
