I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize