I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
