I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
