my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
