I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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