aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
