He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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