come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
