if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She bit a glass in half.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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