I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
