honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
