Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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