My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
