we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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