yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
