my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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