Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
