i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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