Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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