I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
