please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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