Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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