I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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