you didnt know i had herpes?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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