Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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