If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
