ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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