Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize