you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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