So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
