Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
