Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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