Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
