and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
