Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
