covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
