Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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