everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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