My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
