Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
