i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
