I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize