i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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