Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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