Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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