Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize