at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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