Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
