Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
