my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
