i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
