Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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