she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
