I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
