I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
