I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
